I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if only i could text you this smell
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
