I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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