First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
