Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
