I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
