Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
