How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
