so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
