Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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