Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
false alarm. still invincible.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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