your room smells of hookers.
And success
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
