You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
