that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
