Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
