I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
