ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have feelings that need drinking.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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