How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
