don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
