I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
