He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
