filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm really busy with my period
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