I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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