I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
