how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
