i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
