I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
