someone threw a dead crab at me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
