He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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