so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
