he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
