Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
