All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
