I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i think i have two assholes
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
