I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
