I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
