none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
