3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
