Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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