oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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