Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
