It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
