Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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