Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
