i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
