As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
