I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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