you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
