It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
how do you play pong handcuffed?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
