seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
