I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
