Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
