I didn't shave. On purpose
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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