ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
