Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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